Monday, April 9, 2007
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Demolition Derby
According to Patrick - "There's No Sex in the Funshine Room"
Burlesque Half-Time Show
Nothing like a homemade t-shirt
THE END!
The Sumo's Revenge
I left out a little tale from my trip to Japan that at the time I thought was too inconsequential to mention. I have been looking for a quality knife for some time and I knew that Japan produced some of fairly good repute. During my boss's mad hunt for his wife's prune juice I casually mentioned this to him. Instantly we were off to parts of the city rarely seen by 6 foot+ white guys from Snellville, GA. He led me into a small shop on a small street where inside worked a small Kiebler elf, wait, I mean a small Japanese man who showed me some very good knives. After viewing several I noticed one that he had not shown me and inquired about that one.
"That one has too many rules and its not for sale" my boss translated the man's response.
"Such as?"
"Never wash it in the dishwasher. Always cut with a slicing motion. Never feed it after midnight. Never expose it to direct sunlight."
Sounded perfect. So after a little finagling and threatening to raise Nimitz, MacArthur, and Truman from the dead and send them back over I was on my way home with a good new knife. The storeowner is still laughing I bet.
The knife lay in wait for many weeks as I found multiple excuses to avoid cooking. Finally one night P-Melt and I decided to cook up some brats. Sounds good eh? And how about some green peppers with those brats? Perfect! And I have my new amazing can-cutting Japanese knife I can try! Look how easy it cuts through this pepper! Look - I just cut off a piece of my thumb too! AGGH!! Ok, no big deal, shake off the pain. Oh look a little blood. Better wash it off in the sink. AGGGHH!! AGHHH!! Why the hell does washing something hurt more than trying remove an opposable thumb??? F&C#$%!!! Oh, crap my roommates mom is here - better watch the language.
This was about when Patrick turned into a CSI team-member and discovered the Kill-Bill scene I had caused. You know how normally when you cut something it takes a good few seconds before the bleeding really starts? Not this time. Apparently when I shook off my thumb I released an arc of blood across the room. Think elevator doors opening in the Shining. On the blinds, on the ceiling, on the cat.
We got most of it cleaned up before Mrs. Tait saw the evidence and Matt the friendly neighborhood fireman was able to provide some freebie gauze and bandages to stem the bleeding. So if you see me wearing knife-proof gloves in the future I hope you'll understand.
Here's a pic of me and the Gremlin Knife:
"That one has too many rules and its not for sale" my boss translated the man's response.
"Such as?"
"Never wash it in the dishwasher. Always cut with a slicing motion. Never feed it after midnight. Never expose it to direct sunlight."
Sounded perfect. So after a little finagling and threatening to raise Nimitz, MacArthur, and Truman from the dead and send them back over I was on my way home with a good new knife. The storeowner is still laughing I bet.
The knife lay in wait for many weeks as I found multiple excuses to avoid cooking. Finally one night P-Melt and I decided to cook up some brats. Sounds good eh? And how about some green peppers with those brats? Perfect! And I have my new amazing can-cutting Japanese knife I can try! Look how easy it cuts through this pepper! Look - I just cut off a piece of my thumb too! AGGH!! Ok, no big deal, shake off the pain. Oh look a little blood. Better wash it off in the sink. AGGGHH!! AGHHH!! Why the hell does washing something hurt more than trying remove an opposable thumb??? F&C#$%!!! Oh, crap my roommates mom is here - better watch the language.
This was about when Patrick turned into a CSI team-member and discovered the Kill-Bill scene I had caused. You know how normally when you cut something it takes a good few seconds before the bleeding really starts? Not this time. Apparently when I shook off my thumb I released an arc of blood across the room. Think elevator doors opening in the Shining. On the blinds, on the ceiling, on the cat.
We got most of it cleaned up before Mrs. Tait saw the evidence and Matt the friendly neighborhood fireman was able to provide some freebie gauze and bandages to stem the bleeding. So if you see me wearing knife-proof gloves in the future I hope you'll understand.
Here's a pic of me and the Gremlin Knife:
Monday, April 2, 2007
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Those Crazy Asians
Here are some typical bad Japanese/Chinese translations:
I saved the best for last. Simple and to the point.
I saved the best for last. Simple and to the point.
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